Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
