I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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