this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
