I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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