ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.