the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize