Porn is love you can see.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize