He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
