Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
