This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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