Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
