Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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