i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
