we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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