we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Too much gin, very little bucket
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You made out with two different species that night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
