I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
