Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize