dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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