Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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