I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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