Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
