the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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