there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
