normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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