with your own penis?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
