my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
