i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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