I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
