Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
