I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
