I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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