Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
