is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
