The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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