bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
