Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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