Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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