Are we in a gay sports bar?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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