I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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