I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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