It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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