You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
