So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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