yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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