Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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