Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
