Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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