so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
