Where did you get a picture of my penis
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
