After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
