grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
