i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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