im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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