I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we're making bets on your personal life
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
