I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
