it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My feet surprised me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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