remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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