Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
