I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
