so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
