Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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