She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
