No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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