i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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