She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
