So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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