It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
